he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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