oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
