she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Randomize
