Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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