Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize