She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
