This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
