So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
