she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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