I want to have your abortion
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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