I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
