Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
