Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
