Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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