I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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