im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
