if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
