i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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