Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
