ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
