I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
