That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
