Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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