I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
