you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
