I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
