Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
