Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
ok first of all what the fuck
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
