Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
