i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
