I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
