just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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