My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
