Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
