I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
