This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
