I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How does one acquire holy water?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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