how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
