i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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