You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
