You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My liver just had a heart attack.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
