Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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