there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize