OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
