We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
