so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
