why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
