my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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