Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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