im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
