the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
