if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
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