Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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