You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
