I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
