Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
