Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
