Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
