So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
