I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
