As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
