Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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