those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
