I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
