apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
