Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
