a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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