Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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