yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
