I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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