she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
